Tobi days aren't lonely days
by jasminepetals12
Summary: Tobi's first days in the Akatsuki. What will he do? What chaos will he cause? What are in the pancakes he makes? Rated T because of Hidan (most of the time) (one-shot)


**Heeeeeyyyy! :) Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto whatsoever; it would be a lot funnier if I did own it, but, I don't. A/N: Sorry if some of them are kind of OOC, but I'm trying to make it funny since it's focused on when Tobi joins the Akatsuki, and I made this all up. 1) I'm not going to censor the cussing anymore because it's not like I'm saying it, 2) Black Zetsu will be in bold. Without further ado…enjoy!**

"Tobi is soooooo happy that he's a member!" The orange masked man child squealed with joy, "Tobi can't wait to make friends with the rest of the Akatsuki!"

The palm of Pein's hand flew up to his forehead. What did Tobi think the Akatsuki was? A place where you can make friends? "Tobi. Do you even know what the Akatsuki organization is?"

Tobi looks at the leader of the criminal organization before saying, "Yeah! You guys are S-ranked felons! And Tobi thinks that's soooooo cool!" He looked like a teenage girl who got to meet her favorite boy band.

Pein just stared at Tobi blankly for saying 'felons' before just moving on to a different topic, "Oh, by the way Tobi."

"Yes leader?"

"You're not a real member, just a subordinate." Tobi was silent. He processed this for five minutes, "So, Tobi's not a member."

"Mm-hmm."

"He's just a subordinate."

"Yeah, well, until one of the others dies, then you will take their place." Pein regretted saying that. He could just sense what Tobi was thinking. Pein could imagine Tobi thinking, '_One of them MUST go!'_

That was the last thing on Tobi's mind, because he was too busy watching a fly buzz around his face. Pein dismissed the idea of Tobi thinking of something so violent. "Okay, let's go downstairs so you can meet the other members." Pein turned to face Tobi, but he was already gone.

Tobi leapt off the stairs, and into the living room of the Akatsuki base shouting, "HELLO! TOBI'S NAME IS TOBIIIII!" All the members snapped their heads around to see who was making all that noise, and they saw none other than Tobi.

"Who the hell are you?" Hidan asked, pointing his three-bladed scythe at innocent little Tobi. Tobi pointed the object away from himself, "Tobi is Tobi!"

"I still don't fucking know you."

"Oooh. You said a bad word."

"Is this bastard fucking serious?" Tobi clasps his hands over his ears. "STOP IT, STOP IT! TOBI HATES BAD WORDS!"

Deidara looks at Tobi, "Look, un! You're really pissing me off right now. Stop shouting, un!" Tobi just watched Deidara, not even really listening to what he was saying.

"So you should just-"

"Tobi thinks you're pretty." Silence filled the room for a minute. Then, everyone started laughing.

Deidara glares at Tobi, "What did you just say?"

"Tobi thinks you're a _very_ pretty girl. Even though you have a deep ugly man voice."

"Sasori! This guy thinks I'm a girl, un!"

"Wait. Deidara's a fuckin' _dude?!"_ Hidan was surprised to know that Deidara was a guy. That made Deidara even more upset, "I don't even look like a girl, un!"

"Get a haircut brat ," Sasori advised, "Then we'll see."

"I don't want to, un!" Deidara and Sasori then broke out into arguing.

Pein finally heard the noise from downstairs, and figured that's where Tobi went. When he got down, he saw all the members either chasing Tobi, or yelling at each other. "All of you underlings, KNOCK IT OFF!" Everyone stopped what they were doing to look at their leader. "It all started with that weirdo." Kisame pointed to Tobi, who was cowering in the corner.

"Oh,him? That's Tobi. He's the new subordinate." Pein secretly thought that their expressions were priceless.

"Why would you let him in?" Itachi asked.

Pein remembered what happened.

_**Flash Back:**_

_Pein was sitting at his desk doing paper work, when there was a knock on his window. He turned around and saw pebbles were being thrown at it. He walked over and opened it up, when a strange guy he never met, before fell into his room._

_Pein had just stared at the guy, who was wearing an orange mask, slowly get up. The orange masked man turned to face him slowly. "Hi! My name's Tobi and I want to join the Akatsuki!"_

_Pein gave him an icy glare, "Do you really think I'm going to let you in, just because you want to?"_

"_No, Tobi was going to use…PERSUASION!" Tobi then took out a chainsaw and aimed it at Pein's head, "LET TOBI JOIN THE AKATSUKI OR ELSE HE CUTS YOUR HEAD OFF AND MAKES IT INTO A DELICIOUS SOUP!"_

"_Okay, okay! You can join! Just put the chainsaw down!" Tobi set the weapon down slowly before cheering, "Tobi's soooooo happy that he's a member! He can't wait to make friends with the rest of the Akatsuki!"_

_**End of flashback**_

Pein looked down at the ground as he finished telling the story.

"So he threatened you with a chainsaw?" Itachi asked

"Don't take that tone with me! I am your leader! And it was scary at the time."

"Where's he going to be sleeping?" Zetsu asked, "**Yeah, it better not be in our room."**

"There's nowhere else he can stay but your room! He's gonna stay there, whether you like it or not. Now show him upstairs."

Zetsu complained a little before leading Tobi upstairs, with Tobi chattering the entire way. "Excuse me, um, Zetsu."

"**What is it Tobi?** Yeah, what?"

"Weeeeeeeelllll, Tobi wants to know why you talk so funny, and Tobi also wants to know what that thing on your head is, ooh! And Tobi also wants to know why your hair is green, and why you are two different colors!" He eagerly waited for the answers.

Zetsu was a little amused by Tobi's curiosity, but mostly offended by his questions. "Why is your hair black?"

"Tobi was born that way!"

"**Exactly, so shut up."**

"Okay."

Pein sat with the rest of the Akatsuki downstairs. "What do you guys think of Tobi?" Everyone started shouting out all at once. Even though they all were talking at the same time, Pein knew that they were all probably cussing.

Pein narrowed his eyes, "One at a time!"

"He's an idiotic fucker who should be sacrificed to Jashin!"

"He's stupid, un!"

"He's annoying."

And it kept going on like that, and at one point, Zetsu came back downstairs and joined the conversation.

"**He is our pet."**

"He's a subordinate, not a pet, Zetsu." Pein shook his head. Apparently, all the members were just a bunch of weirdos.

"I think Tobi's adorable." Konan put in, "He acts just like a little child, and it's sooo cute!"

"Who says your opinion mattered Konan?!" Pein shouted.

"Tobi's back! Hello, everyone!" Tobi jumped off the third step from the ground, and landed on his face. "Owwie! Tobi needs medical help. Can you help Tobi, Sempai?" Tobi waited on Deidara to help. Deidara looked around the room to see who Tobi's Sempai was.

Finally, Sasori said, "Brat, he's talking to you."

"What?! Why do I have to be your damn Sempai, un?"

"Because! Tobi looks up to you."

"I just met you today."

"Tobi knows all about **you **alreadySempai. He knows where you were born, he knows how old you are, and Tobi even knows your personal secrets…"

"Okay! You, are the biggest freak known to mankind! Stay the hell away from me, un!"

Hidan was cracking up about the entire thing and slapping Kakuzu's shoulder. "Did you fucking hear what he said Kakuzu? That bastard is a fucking stalker!"

"Hidan, get your hand off my shoulder before I cut your entire arm off."

"You're not going to do that….Oh my fucking Jashin! I can't believe you fucking did that! Put me back together!"

If it hadn't been for Pein's orders, Kakuzu would have left Hidan armless.

"Okay, that's enough." Pein growled, "Since Tobi is a subordinate, he needs experience. Whenever I send any of you out on a mission, Tobi **will** tag along." That and he didn't want Tobi around to bother him.

"Now it is **late**. I'm going to bed and don't want any of you underlings bothering me until tomorrow, but know this, whoever annoys me the most will get a mission with Tobi first, just saying." Pein walked back up the stairs.

"Fuck. It's probably gonna be me first." Hidan said glumly before following Kakuzu upstairs to their room.

"Good night everybody!" Tobi yelled from he and Zetsu room.

"Shut up!" was his only response, though Tobi still went to bed happy.

**The next morning…**

Tobi sat up in his bed and looked around the room. Zetsu was still asleep. Tobi listened carefully and guessed he was the first one awake.

"Tobi gets the feeling that nobody likes him very much…they all seem too stressed and grumpy." Tobi muttered, "Ooh! Tobi will be nice and cook breakfast for everyone! Then they'll like Tobi for sure!" Tobi was just proud of the idea of it all. He walked downstairs, and sure enough, he saw no one. What he didn't see, was Itachi, relaxing on the couch while reading a book. Itachi looked up at Tobi, who just walked passed him into the kitchen. Itachi raised an eyebrow, but decided to ignore him.

"Hmm...Tobi will make…PANCAKES!" But Tobi realized, he didn't know how to make pancakes, or any type of food for that matter, so he decided to wing it. "Let's see, Tobi needs, umm…eggs! Definitely eggs…and cinnamon? Tobi will just add butter…ooh! And also more butter. Can't forget black pepper! What's ci-la-nt-ro? Oh well, Tobi will just add it anyways, and spinach! Everyone needs vegetables."

Tobi just kept adding ingredients left and right. He couldn't find an electric mixer, so he put everything in the blender and pressed "mix". Of course, he didn't cover the lid, so greenish batter flew everywhere.

"Oopsy!"

Tobi took out a pan and turned the dial on what he thought was the stove, but was the oven.

"Why isn't the stove working!?" Tobi turned another dial and found it worked, but failed to turn off the oven.

"Breakfast is gonna be yummy!"

Tobi walked over to where Itachi was sitting and put his hands on his hips, "Itachi! Have you been down here this whole time?"

Itachi put his book down and looked up at Tobi with a stern expression. "Yes Tobi, I wake up early."

"Do you wanna try the pancakes?"

"No."

"But…"

"No." And Itachi went back to reading while Tobi waited patiently for everyone else to come downstairs. Tobi swung his legs up and down until he heard Pein trudging downstairs while yawning. Tobi rushed over to the staircase and yelled, "Good morning! Tobi made breakfast!" Pein blinked. Tobi made breakfast?

Pein sniffed the air, "Why does it smell like smoke?" Tobi gasped, "Oh no!" And ran into the kitchen, only to find that it was filled with smoke. He still pushed his way through to the stove and turned the dial to the oven so roughly that it broke. "Oh no!" Tobi gasped, yet again. The small fire that had started, had grown bigger. Tobi just ran out of the kitchen screaming, "Help! Help! Fire! Fire!"

"Fire?"

Tobi replied by screaming in the Akatsuki leader's face, and running out the door with Pein just staring after him before seeing the flames.

"Fire? FIRE!"

Konan came running down the stairs, "Why are you yelling?" Pein shoved past her out the door. Itachi continued to flip the pages in his book. After that, the members were running out the door one by one, until it was just Itachi sitting on the couch reading that book.

The Uchiha sighed loudly before pulling out a fire-extinguisher and spraying the flames until they were no more. Itachi, taking his time, poked his head out the door, where he saw the rest of the members looking out at the roof.

"What are you idiots mindlessly gazing up at?"

Kisame pointed up to the roof, which had somehow caught on fire too.

"Does anyone know how the fire started, un?"

Tobi shifted around nervously, avoiding the piercing glare Pein was giving him, while everyone else was trying to put the fire on the roof out. "Tobi didn't mean it…he was trying to make pancakes." Tobi held up the plate of puke-green pancakes. "And, Tobi made this one especially for his Sempai…" Tobi held up a baby barf green pancake in the shape of an uneven heart.

Deidara gazed at it in disgust, "There is no way that I will-" He was cut off when Sasori shoved the pancake down his throat, "My work was interrupted because **he** tried to make **you** this thing. You are gonna eat this." Deidara nodded slowly with his cheeks stuffed, then changed his mind and spit it out.

"The fire's out leader."

"Okay then." Pein turned to Tobi.

"Next time, leave the cooking to the woman." He pointed over to Konan, who nodded, then seemed a little bit offended.

"It's not all Tobi's fault!" Tobi whined to the Akatsuki leader.

"Why is that?"

"Itachi was there the entire time and wouldn't even help or eat Tobi's pancake!"

Pein slowly looked to Itachi, who just stood there, not saying a word, "You were there the entire time, and didn't do anything!"

Itachi shrugged before heading back inside.

Pein narrowed his eyes, "I officially hate all of you. Get back to work."

**So what did you guys think? :) I hope this was funny. I'll continue this if people like it and review, if not, I'm gonna make it a one shot. So please review on this! And by the way, if I do continue, the next chapter will be about Tobi going on a mission with Sasori and Deidara! Review please!**


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